The images for what Tiana’s Bayou Adventure will really look like are finally here… and… they hit like a wet noodle in bland Cajun cuisine.
Photos for this article are courtesy Scott Gustin.
The concept images were all a bunch of bunk, right from the get-go.
Back when the drawings of what would become Tiana’s Bayou Adventure came out, I was one of the first analysts to call “baloney.” The tree on top of the supposed change was structurally unlikely and also so tall that it would destroy sightlines. Immediately I knew we were looking at blue sky imagery that had nothing to do reality. It was hastily thrown together to appease demographics in turmoil during the summer of 2020 and sent out to try to make sure that Disney+ wasn’t boycotted in its early days. Splash Mountain was just the victim of Disney looking for some way to virtue signal and protect itself.
But virtue signaling without any sort of a plan will lead you to places you didn’t intend to go. And we’re seeing just that with the release of the miniature model for the “new” ride coming in late 2023. Not only is it clear the budget is tiny, it’s also clear that this is being led by people with a lack of vision. If what had been released this morning had been great, I’d be saying it. It isn’t. Let me explain why.
Gone are the iconic briars, as we expected, but there’s basically nothing replacing them. A single bayou stump just isn’t cutting it. The red rocks, dirt and grassy overhangs are still there, meaning this looks nothing at all like a bayou. This is Georgian red clay through and through with no attempt to change it. Even worse, to try to hide that the ride is clearly not a bayou theme, they’re putting trees in the splash-down pool to try to force the new theme cheaply… but in doing so are obstructing view of the iconic attraction. Finally, the only real change on the outside of any importance is a small water tower.
My how Imagineering has fallen.
And another gripe that is worthwhile:
You have all these creatives and all these sessions to come up with the very best, and you’re telling me that the absolute best name you could come up with for Tiana’s business is… “Tiana’s Foods”? Good lord.
There was a way to create a Princess and the Frog attraction that would have blown everyone away. Whatever this is, this is not it. It’s still a red-dirt mountain supposedly in Louisiana with poor theming, trees obstructing the view, a very lackluster new iconography, and an attraction for little girls that can’t be ridden by all the guests who like Tiana.
Yikes.
This is far below what I was expecting to see today. They needed something to wow the crowds and the skeptics. What we have is far less.
For all the latest news that should be fun, keep reading That Park Place. As always, drop a comment down below and let us know your thoughts.
