Seriously, I can’t keep doing these articles on Galactic Starcruiser. I just can’t. You should see the list of articles and topics that writers at That Park Place need to cover today and tomorrow, and yet… here we are. It’s another Star Wars Galactic Starcruiser story, and again, it’s just awful. I don’t know why they continue to do this.
Alright, so Entertainment Weekly got the exclusive, which was then amplified by Blog Mickey, revealing the “captain” of the Galactic Starcruiser Star Wars hotel is “Captain Keevan”. Reminder: this is not a real captain, because this isn’t a real flight or cruise. This is all pretend, which would be fine if executed extremely well. Instead, the captain character looks like a “modern working mom” stereotype in purple paint. In thinking about it, it’s the hairstyle. Why in the world is the captain character in a Star Wars larp session donning a Jennifer Anniston from Friends haircut? Why?!
And why do captains in Star Wars look like captains in our world? Why is she wearing a captain’s hat that looks like a cruise captain’s hat? If we’re going for otherwordly Star Wars experiences, this is an utter fail.
Oh, but Disney Imagineering wants you to know this is absolutely not a hotel. It has hotel rooms, hotel beds, and is run under the same department as all other Walt Disney World hotels… but it’s not a hotel! This is almost certainly in response to cancellations that are allegedly hitting the company as people begin to see what this thing is. We’ve just reported yesterday that even Disney’s internal testing has not gone well. And Disney does not typically grade themselves too harshly — it goes against the magic.
“This is not a hotel. [It is] part video game, live-action role-play, immersive theater, and luxury experience all rolled into one.”
“We’ll learn a lot more about her [the captain] and her role in some pretty iconic moments in Star Wars history. [She runs the ship with] capability and professionalism second to none. There may be more to her than meets the eye.”
— Disney Imagineer Scott Trowbridge
With an estimated price tag of approximately $104 for every hour of fun you actually have in this larping, theatrical, luxury experience, Disney might want to stop while they’re ahead. Seriously, this is not getting any better. As I’ve said before, based on what I know behind the scenes and what has been released publicly, this is the worst Disney theme park debacle I have seen. I’m trying to think if there’s anything close, but only Test Track’s development comes to mind. Maybe how badly the redo of Journey Into Imagination went over with fans. I mean, Disney is losing reservations and taking down videos that were supposed to show the hotel… err, experience thing… off. At this rate, they’d better send R2D2 to find Stacey. She’s pretty much their only hope.
That’s a WDW fan joke. Sorry. Just like this hotel is about to be if Disney doesn’t figure out they’re way off track at the moment.
Update 12/6/21 2:04 PM EST:
I noticed people on Twitter are calling this Purple Lord Farquaad. I laughed out loud and I’m still laughing. You can’t unsee it. Oh, what a mess.
