The following review features spoilers.
Marvel has one last attempt at garnering hype before Avengers Doomsday, and it comes after a string of serious misses. Captain America Brave New World was so bad it may have ended Harrison Ford’s career. Thunderbolts had a strong ending, but it’s dull start meant a bland box office and another flop for the MCU. Let’s not even start on Ironheart, which is a humiliating piece of crud that even Kevin Feige feels shame for releasing. The days of Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America Civil War and Spider-Man No Way Home are far behind us. Outside of one Deadpool and Wolverine, Disney Marvel hasn’t had a first person success since 2019. And trust, me they’re not winning today.
Let’s just get a few things out of the way before we truly start. There is zero, and I mean, zero, reason to stay and watch the mid and/or end-credit scenes for Fantastic Four. Yes, Doctor Doom is in one of them. For two seconds… for no reason… without his face showing. It’s patently obvious at this point they had no idea what they’re doing with Avengers Doomsday and so couldn’t do anything whatsoever with Doctor Doom in the story.
Robert Downey Jr. revealed to be Doctor Doom at Marvel Studios’ Hall H presentation at San Diego Comic-Con via OnTheRedCarpet YouTube
There are good things about Fantastic Four, and I’d like to knock them out of the way first if that’s okay. The movie is definitively about family and there’s nothing non-traditional or divisive in the whole film. The Thing is a scene-stealer every single time. Let’s get a movie just about him and we might have a chance. The robot is cute. Pedro Pascal isn’t terrible, if you’re okay with Reed Richards being a sad-sack, anxiety-riddled man who spouts magic spells and pretends it’s science. The film is shockingly pro-life, which I definitely didn’t have on my bingo card, even going to the point of showing an unborn child inside a womb in a way that is tremendously humanizing.
And that’s… getting us remarkably close to the end of my positives.
If you watch half of Fantastic Four, the first half, and then stop, you’ll likely coming away thinking I’m a hater who just can’t find a positive thing about anything that Disney produces. I’ll admit, I was thinking this was an 8/10 sort of movie until halfway through. But Fantastic Four falls apart in a way that I can break down into objective storytelling science; that’s way beyond anything Reed Richards is capable of achieving.
Vanessa Kirby as Sue Storm in The Fantastic Four: First Steps – YouTube, Marvel Entertainment
Let’s begin with some definitive statements that are easily proven. Superman 2025 is a clearly superior film to Fantastic Four. The emphatic praise you heard from some of the early, leaked reviews (marketing) were total lies (obviously). In Superman, Clark Kent learns that he’s been idolizing the wrong parents his whole life. That’s the story arch. He’s the son of the Kents, not of Krypton. Whether you like that or not, whether you think it was executed well, there’s an actual story for Clark to grow through. And the same is true of Thunderbolts, which yes, is a better movie than Fantastic Four. In Thunderbolts, both our lead hero and our villain learn to process pain in a psychothriller ending that dives into whether or not they have value. But in Fantastic Four, all four of our heroes are the same in the beginning as they are in the end. They learn absolutely nothing, they change not one iota. They are archetypes who ride the roller coaster with you.
The world of Fantastic Four is totally Tomorrrowland in the 1960s. Except, of course, this is a different Earth and it’s strange enough that it is difficult to grab onto really caring about a world that seems to basically be confined to Times Square. Furthermore, in this retro-future bizarro Earth, there appear to be no real governments or serious powers other than the Fantastic Four. They are, essentially, Earth’s guardians through-and-through with no US military interference, no geopolitical issues. You got a supervillain? You need the Fantastic Four. You got a water leak in the basement? Fantastic Four. They are basically worshipped and given complete power over Earth.
The Human Torch in Fantastic Four: First Steps – YouTube, Marvel Entertainment
So when Galactus shows up and wants to eat Earth, it’s the Fantastic Four who take over without any messing around with governments or agencies. They’re it. The worst they have to face for scrutiny are gaggles of reporters. They hop in their ship, do some science magic, and find out Galactus is a mix of King Kong and Vigo from Ghostbusters II. He has decided he will skip eating the planet if they’ll give him their baby.
The rest of the movie is them trying to stop that. Reed Richards devises a plan, it fails miserably. Girl Silver Surfer becomes a martyr. Thing and Johnny Storm pretend to do stuff, and Sue Storm literally shoves Galactus to the other side of the universe in one of the most Mary Sue acts you’ve ever seen in your life. Yes, she dies, but her baby resurrects her while cooing on her chest. So it’s all good. And no, Reed Richards almost never uses his superpowers.
Sue Storm in The Fantastic Four: First Steps – YouTube, Marvel Entertainment
All of this is to say that Fantastic Four can be a fun time for anyone interested in eating popcorn and riding a roller coaster for a little while. It has no bearing on anything in the MCU, nobody learns or grows, but stuff does happen. And it’s not woke or offensive… unless you count the jokes, which not a single one lands at any moment. Johnny Storm even is a womanizer like in the comics; at least he tells us he is even if it never actually happens in the film.
So what is Fantastic Four then? It’s an attempt at showing the love of a mother in superhero form with lots of colors and explosions. It’s just a shame that such a cool villain goes down in such an unsatisfying way. Luke Skywalker had a better ending than Galactus. In the end, the film is one giant “meh” because it has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but I’m not sure I found an adventure worth experiencing within.
Review Score: 5/10
